In This Issue
Experience creation, rituals and sovereign re/creation
Musings and such
Queer scar care drop-in
Monday, Jan 15th at 18h
Workbooks & Resources
Free/PWYC on Ko-fi
Pleasure (your) Chest starting Jan 20
Embodiment exploration with Kori & Jess
Hi Reader, May you ease-fully craft this year in accordance with what is for the purpose of what you desire. Here are some thoughts on experience creation, rituals and sovereign re/creation.
Disparate threads woven together
I used to wonder why I wandered about so many seemingly disparate work routes in my 20s and 30s. From porn and sex work to corset sales, small business owner and data management, case worker and digital marketing, national conferences, and local community development... And given enough time, I see so many ways the Venn diagram of hosting kink events and creating fantasies, overlaps with trauma care and community building, which also overlaps with marketing and business dev. Increasingly I get to share and create experiences from these braids of knowledge and I'm delighted by what I learn anew from this weaving.
Experience crafting
On a personal note, one of my favorite ways to show love is through experience creation. Sometimes that comes out in the little ways I live my everyday life. For example, my submissive has a uniform to wear in my home. This serves many purposes, but for the sake of this example, it serves as a costume of sorts. It sets the stage: they come through my front door to find I have lain out a particular outfit. Once changed into it, they present themselves to me with a specific body shape and movement that brings me delight. It establishes a desired tonality for the start of our time together and puts us in a shared mindset, prompting an adventure we've both agreed to play a part in co-creating. These forms of intentional experience creation have existed with me for over 20 years in many differing forms of D/s protocol-focused relationships wherein I am most often the entertainment department, be it from either side of the power dynamic.
I am delighted when I get to bring these skill sets into my work because a client is seeking experience creation. It's a practice of co-creation. My sex work specific clients are often desiring to role-play fantasies or create a ritual around an erotic craving or fetish. It's a shockwave of delight through my body when someone comes in and clearly states exactly what they want. Then all we have to do is sort out how to craft that for them. It's a HUGE deal for us to have that kind of access, much less to go off and find it for ourselves. I'm grateful to cultivate that kind of trust with other genderqueers to stimulate their cravings.
For my somatic clients, we often roleplay a fear so they know what to expect from their nervous system and how to tend to it when those sensations arise. We also do a lot of silly and playful role-play that's platonic. Much laughter ensues and they get to relax into trust as we invite bring levity into the work of trust building. And it's always a cupcake for me when someone brings forth their fantasies to play out and explore in combination with pleasure mapping and ecstatic bodywork as a gateway to access through make-believe: most recently I got to play the part of a squid, an ocean tempest, and a librarian.
Rituals of fantasy & adventure
Rituals are a huge part of my practice, for those wanting to engage with them. I recently built a shared ritual with a client who desired to revisit an erotic trauma that they often feel shame in fantasizing about (a common outcome that I hold the complexity of within me as well). We tip-toed along those memories from a safer space of trust, inviting their sovereignty, fierceness, anger, passion, and discombobulation. We re-storied how they hold this gooey knot of trauma and excitement by crafting a new story from a place of self-empowerment, to relate to those experiences and feel them differently now. I was delighted when they later booked not a somatic session, but a sex work session with the note, "The same, but this time, just the fun parts". Phew! Ya'll, that's fucking gorgeous access and I'm blown away to be a part of crafting these experiences!
Sometimes my experience crafting is more collective: I recently had a small gaggle of loves come together for a mushroom trip. The intention was to share space whilst having an independent adventure. Each person was asked to bring an experience to share with the group. My soul was quickly melted as a beautiful being offered tea to soothe our tummies then led us through somatic invitations and intention setting to bring us into our bodies as the medicine seeped within. A wise dragonfly crafted a prismatic rooftop ritual nest on a giant inflatable mattress for reflection in the Winter snow from which I watched the sunset. A feisty unicorn led us through a sort of Zumba-for-breathwork adventure that had us all laughing, gasping, and filled with delight. An imaginative artist brought an array of creative and messy supplies for us and pre-recorded a guided art meditation for solo art explorations. And to top it off, a precious kitten stopped by to whip up dinner for us all as we slipped out of the magickal swirls and landed in a giant cuddle puddle.
Coddiwobbling towards what I want
I am moving towards futuristic visions of collective queer care of the erotic as sacred, shared wisdom held by the webs of complexity that make up our ways of knowing. Truth be told, I'm on fire with fear and excitement swirling and lapping at my skin. Striving to surrender within the dance of balancing reason and passion: made possible through my long-term practices of experience creation. I'm looking forward to the spaciousness I've been cultivating these past many months. Taking my time getting to know the texture of this canvas on which I'm slathering gesso. Giving myself the slowness I know my soul needs to expand into this fire while continuing to root into the soil of wisdom and the spirit of joy that nourishes my offerings.
I look forward to the coming year, and wish you a journey of strengthened solidity fuelled by ever-expansive breath.
Queer scar care drop-in
Monday 15th Jan, 18h - 19h
Virtual & Free/PWYC
Kota Rook and I have teamed up to focus on scar care for queer bodies and we're hosting virtual drop-in space for you to pop in and ask all your questions about scar healing (no matter their age).
It's not just about aesthetics, but about radically improving tissue health, enhancing mobility, and supporting nerve regrowth. This is for scars resulting from: gender-related surgeries, illness, trauma, birthing, self-harm or other ruptures. Whatever your relationship to your scars - galaxies of celebration, grief, numbness, uncertainty - all of you is welcome and wanted in this space.
Totally free. Contributions welcome
French translations if needed
Workbooks & resources
I spend weeks on my annual review and year prep: I like to take my time, perusing and musing. I realized something in looking back over the past two years of my work! I've been putting out lots of lil freebies, video exercises and practices, but they're buried in my feeds. So, I pulled the digital ebooks all together and now you can find them on Ko-fi.
HRT Tracking sheet
Pre/post top surgery planner (Fr/En)
Cosmic shape of your gender
Creating a gendering solo date
Discover your gendering values
Your D/s & leather values
Queer biz workbook
Pleasure (your) chest
Starting Jan 20th
A workshop series specifically created for trans masculine folks who have completed top surgery; holding space in community to explore grief, consent and pleasure from an embodied understanding. Hosted by Kori Doty and Jess DeVries.
Several heart full chats with Jess about this beautiful offering is what spurred me into the creation of my Top Surgery Grief & Pleasure Circles. Though the format and content are different, the foundation of embodied self-care for those who have undergone masculinizing chest surgeries is the primary key. I won't be offering mine again until Spring/Summer so if you're ready to jump into this endeavour of love now, head over to their registration. It's also one hell of a sweet gift to offer a loved one!
